Zombie Raccoons

Or should that be “raccoon zombies”? Eh, potato, poh-tah-to.

I’m thinking of starting a recurring thematic subcategory here at, and maybe sharing it with our sister sites and, calling it “Perfect Set-Ups for Horror Movies.” No time like the present, right? Here we go, then. Let’s restart this article. Here is the new header:

Perfect Set-Up For A Horror Movie: Zombie Raccoons

Tell me you wouldn’t go see that one. Or more likely, rent it on video. Sure you would. It’s raccoons. That are zombies. Not true zombies, though, as they aren’t dead. But they’re behaving mindlessly, as if they are infected by the “rage virus” from the 28 DAYS LATER films. Standing on their hind legs, snarling and salivating, going after humans instead of turning their striped, bushy tails and running away, which is typical raccoon behavior.

“He would stand up on his hind legs, which I’ve never seen a raccoon do before, and he would show his teeth and then he would fall over backward and go into almost a comatose condition,” said witness Robert Coggeshall, who just happens to be a wildlife photographer. Serendipity!

That’s right, folks. This is a TRUE story.

There’s probably a mundane explanation for it all. But never let the facts get in the way of a good screenplay.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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