werewolf, werewolves and lycans

World’s Deadliest Microfossil Was Our Earliest Ancestor

Teeth. That’s the first thing you see. Lots and lots of teeth. This thing was nothing BUT teeth and a mouth. The creature is called SACCORHYTUS. It was a DEUTEROSTOME, and these type creatures are the foundation, or were, upon which mammalian life evolved, including human beings. Yes, this one-millimeter-long sea creature was our ancestor, perhaps our FIRST ancestor. This toothy little devil was our progenitor. SACCORHYTUS, the teeny tiny jellyfish from hell (which the article from CNN describes, not inaccurately, as looking like the chestbuster from ALIEN), was, in a sense, the first Adam!

How poetic. How symbolic of life, of Nature. This little bugger was all mouth and teeth. It ate. That’s ALL it did. It ate and reproduced. And it was a PREDATOR. Our first ancestor was a killer. If you can get existential for a moment, take a gander at the artistic representation of SACCORHYTUS. Could anything be more terrifying? No? You mean, no, it ISN’T scary? Imagine yourself as only a millimeter long, swimming along in some primordial sea. Then you see THE MOUTH heading right for you. Scientifically, the fossils of SACCORHYTUS discovered in China are invaluable, as it is believed by scientists that the earliest forms of life were too small to have been preserved in the fossil record, thus our knowledge of our evolution can only go back so far before hitting a wall. Little SACCO THE MOUTH came from the far side of that wall. Philosophically there is much to be gained from its study, as the knowledge that all human beings evolved from such an efficient little monster has ramifications about our innate communal identity. For Monster Kids, though, it’s just really frikkin’ cool. We need a movie about a giant SACCORHYTUS! They could call it—wait for it—THE MOUTH!

The Evil Cheezman • February 12, 2017

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