Wolverine is a vampire? And a terrible driver, too?

Here’s the exact quote from the linked-to article below: “The driver was described as looking like a wolverine with a short, stocky build. The same witness said the driver appeared to have ‘vampire teeth.’” This description is in reference to the one provided to police officers in New Haven, Connecticut, by a witness to a recent hit-and-run that left a victim with serious injuries. Let us assess this description, shall we? It seems rather obvious that the witness is a comic book fan. His description of the perpetrator as “short and stocky” would indicate the comic character Wolverine, from the X-Man, and not his cinematic equivalent. Hugh Jackman, who plays Wolverine onscreen, is over six feet tall. (Also, the wolverine—the animal, that is—is not know to wear clothes, as the driver is described as having done.) How the witness could determine the guy’s height anyway, considering he was supposedly seated in his car the entire time, remains unclear.

About the vampire teeth: Wolverine, as rendered in the comics, does indeed sport stubby fangs, but I would describe them, and the character in general, as lupine in nature. So we’ve got a guy who looks like Wolverine running some guy over. But this report states that the guy’s car had tinted windows so, again, how did the witness get a look at him? Did Wolverine get out of his Honda Accord at some point? This article leaves a lot of ground uncovered, that’s for sure.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763 MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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