What Did The Neanderthal Say?

And more importantly, how did he say it? Now we know! We not only know what your typical Neanderthal would have looked like–see picture above–but what they would have SOUNDED like! (We can probably imagine what they would have SMELLED like without too much effort.) An examination of the remains of a Neanderthal man and recreation of the “squat” Neanderthal vocal tract by voice expert Patsy Rodenburg led to this revelation. Also taken into account were factors such as the wider nasal cavity of the Neanderthal and the deeper chest cavity, as well as how the way the Neanderthals’ heads sat upon their necks. Each would have played a part in shaping the Neanderthal voice.

So what DID they sound like? Not like what you’d expect. The findings make sense, though. Listen to the sounds apes make, Chimpanzees in particular. High-pitched barks and screeches. Now imagine those Chimps were articulating words. (Hell, maybe they are. How would we know?) That’s what your typical Neanderthal would’ve sounded like.

Now for some real fun, I suggest Ms. Rodenburg listen to some of those alleged vocal recordings of Bigfoot and compare them to her findings. Sound similar, Patsy?

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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