werewolf, werewolves and lycans

19

Vampire Killing 101

The bitter battle between werewolves and vampires has been raging for ages – the beasts versus the leeches. The time for talk has come to an end, it’s time to defend your own race and those sharp claws of yours will only get you so far. Ripping into the flesh of a weak human is one thing, but a vampire is a whole other ball game. So sit down and shut up, your vampire hunting lessons begin now! Forget what books and movies have taught you, we’re diving into the historical world of vampire slaying, learning the methods our forefathers have perfected throughout the centuries.

Before you just run out and start attacking vamps, you need to prepare and get yourself some gear. These are the basic items all vampire killers should carry:

  • Stakes (preferably wooded and made of hawthorn)
  • Mallet
  • Mirror
  • Cross
  • Garlic
  • Holy Water
  • Knives (in an assortment of fun sizes)
  • Rope
  • Saw
  • That covers your classic supplies. Some newer additions and must haves are:
  • Guns (won’t kill the bastards but it may slow them down)
  • Flamethrower (destructive yet effective)
  • Flashlight

Now that you have your gear we can begin your first lesson – how to detect a vampire. I’ll teach you how to kill them after you have all of the necessary info. You can’t very well go into a room, balls out and attack everything in sight. No, first you need to do the ground work and figure out if what you’re dealing with is in fact a vampire. You don’t want to kill an innocent human by mistake, do you? There are clues as to how to detect the presence of a vampire, they are:

At the Cemetery

  • Finger-sized holes
  • Disturbed earth
  • Constant mists
  • Moved or fallen tombstones
  • Footprints leading from a grave
  • Dogs barking (or refusing to enter cemetery)
  • No birds singing
  • Geese screaming when near suspected grave
  • Horses shying away from grave
  • Sounds comings from under the earth

Signs on a Corpse

  • Open eyes
  • Fangs (a lot of kids nowadays like to wear fake ones, MAKE SURE they’re real before your blade gets too friendly with their neck)
  • Bloated body
  • New nails, new hair
  • Lack of decomposition
  • White liver

Appearance & Habits

  • Fangs
  • Red eyes
  • Long nails
  • Paleness
  • Reluctance to enter house without invite
  • Hairy palms
  • Hatred of bright light
  • No appetite…for food
  • Never seen during the day (not always true, some vampire species can walk in sunlight)
  • Has super strength
  • People around them often die
  • Bad breath

Do you have all of that memorized? Good, now we can get to the good stuff, the killing. Now pay close attention, you don’t want any mistakes.

Common Methods

  • Staking (right through the heart)
  • Beheading
  • Sunlight (some species are immune to this)
  • Cremation (scatter the ashes)
  • A blade in the heart (it should be blessed first)
  • Submerging them in holy water (young vamps will die quickly with this method, older ones will be more difficult and slower)
  • Touching with a crucifix (this will ONLY kill a very young and very weak vampire, it will usually just repel the undead)
  • Removing the heart
  • Trapping in the grave (iron bits, red peas, roses, garlic, and holy water can be used for this)
  • Ripping them to shreds with your fangs and claws

Uncommon Methods

  • Stealing their left sock (only works on a few species; fill sock with soil, rocks, grave dirt, or rocks, and throw outside of village limits, preferably into a river
  • One word: Flamethrower
  • Using syringe to inject holy water right into its veins
  • Bottling (Hire a professional Malaysian or Bulgarian sorcerer)
  • Breaking the spine, then cutting off the head
  • If desperate, get help from a dhampir (their vampire lineage may make them untrustworthy: beware)
  • Use animals (cocks, dogs and white wolves recommended)

And remember, you are at your strongest around the full moon, so plan your hunts around that time. Now you are as ready as you’ll ever be. You have all of your basics, along with some lesser known facts straight from the history books. Now go out and kill those filthy bloodsuckers!

– Moonlight


vampire huntingvampire hunting 101vampire killingVampire Killing 101vampires vs. werewolveswerewolves vs. vampires

moonlight • April 2, 2011


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