Time to Hibernate

There’s a new theory that human beings who have suffered heart attacks or strokes (But are still alive afterward, obviously—Wait. Is it “afterward” or “afterwards”? Ah, pardon me while I chase down this rabbit…Okay, just googled it. I was right. There’s no difference. While the Internet says that “afterward” is more common in the US but “afterwards” is more popular abroad, I’ve always tended to use the latter. Guess I’m just cosmopolitan. Anyway, rabbit shot and skinned and ready for me to make some hasenpfeffer. Moving on.)

There’s a new theory that human beings who have *survived* heart attacks or strokes might benefit from being put into a medically-induced hibernation, since our primitive ancestors hibernated, just like bears and other large mammals hibernated, to avoid the long cold winters. Bones of Homo heidelbergensis, an ancestor of the Neanderthals, show signs of suffering from vitamin D deficiency as the result of them having spent long periods of time in caves asleep. As I often find myself tempted to hibernate in winter, I suspect I have a touch of ol’ heidey in my DNA, too. In fact I think I might go take myself a nap right now. It’s good for your health, you know.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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