The Worst Werewolf Movie Ever Made
Please be aware that this is not a “worst movie ever made” in the way that Ed Wood’s PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is called “the worst movie ever made.” Wood’s film is magical. It is so much fun, so entertaining, and from opening credits to end it is obviously the work of a passionate creator hampered by the lack of a budget yet firmly committed to the act of creating. It is hilarious, even if unintentionally so. It is an understatement to say that it is enjoyable to watch. The film I am about to deride, on the other hand, the worst werewolf flick ever committed to celluloid, is in no way, shape, or form enjoyable, in no way entertaining. It is excruciating to watch. The laziness of the effort is evident–and this is also an understatement. It is the epitome of mediocrity. That movie is HOWLING 3: THE MARSUPIALS.
If you haven’t seen it, DON’T. It’s just awful. There really are no words in the English language to describe how terrible it is. I felt nauseated after watching it. If you want to view an ENJOYABLE bad werewolf movie, watch the movie flick WEREWOLF that got riffed on by MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000. *THAT* movie is a great bad movie. The MST3K gang could do nothing for HOWLING 3. Nobody could do anything for HOWLING 3 to make it better, except to throw all extant copies of it into a bonfire. The concept–marsupial werewolves–sure sounds promising. Don’t be fooled! It’s a trap! Watching that movie could be hazardous to your health! I paid a buck for an old DVD, and I got overcharged. They ought to have to pay ME as compensation for my pain and suffering!
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!