The Mc-Long Pig?!?!

“Long pig” is a slang term for human flesh, when it is used for food by other humans. Supposedly the term can be traced back to a letter written by one Reverend John Watsford, a missionary to the Pacific Islanders in the 1840s, who described witnessing the butchering, cooking, and eating of human bodies. According to the latest rumor, McDonald’s, the world’s largest fast food provider, has taken a cue from the cannibals of the 19th century and is now serving long pig as the staple meat in its Big Macs, Quarter-Pounders and McDoubles. (I thought the staple was soy byproducts.) It would make sense. The world is grossly overpopulated, and it would be much cheaper to serve humans other humans on a bun. Of course it isn’t true.

If there are people out there willing to believe such nonsense, though, imagine how much worse it used to be, before the Internet and snopes.com. Growing up, I remember hearing that Proctor and Gamble was owned by a satanic cult. Local news outlets were reporting it as fact. This rumor became so pervasive that the company had to go on DONOHUE to refute it. Nor is this the first time McDonalds has been the victim of such false accusations. In the late 80s, when the company tried setting up retirement accounts for its longtime employees—IRA accounts—the rumor began that it was secretly funding the Irish Republican Army!

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763 MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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