Take the Werewolf Diagnostics Test

In case you can’t figure it out for yourself, here’s a handy Internet quiz to apprise you of the fact that you are a werewolf. Go ahead and take it. I know, you’re probably scared to find out; if you didn’t already at least suspect that you were lycanthropic, you wouldn’t even bother with such a test. But really, isn’t it better to know for sure than to go around uncertain and worrying about it all the time? If you KNOW you are a werewolf, there are steps you can take to deal with the problem, right? Living in denial is just too dangerous for your friends and loved ones, and pretty much anybody else around you.

This test winnows out such false indicators as having excessive body hair (you might just be Italian) or hanging out in packs, which is pretty typical teenage behavior. (Not that teenagers are any less dangerous than werewolves. But chances are, if you are a teenager, you are already aware of it.) Some parts of the test I question; werewolves are NOT known for avoiding rye bread and garlic, for example. Overall, though, it’s fairly on-the-nose. Oh, and I did take it myself. Anybody have any doubts as to what my results were?

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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