Squeeze Your Own Baby Dart
You definitely want to give him a gentle squeeze while he’s still in his “Polliwog” form. Don’t wait until he grows into a Demo-Dog, or a fully-formed Demogorgon. Then he would probably rip your arm off. If he’s still a Polliwog, the worst that could happen is that you might lose a finger. (Or a housecat, if you wait too long and he grows.)
McFarlane Toys, the company owned by asshat supreme Todd McFarlane (guy’s a jerk, but he sure makes some cool toys), is bringing us more in the way of STRANGER THINGS merchandise. Like a Barb action figure, and “Punk” Eleven. And a squeezable Dart figure. If you squeeze the Dart, his little flower-petal head will open and display all those nasty teeth. Here’s what the company says of the toy: “Spectacular likeness of Dart at the polliwog stage; Features lizard like tail and paint that mirrors a slimy monster from the Upside Down; Jaws open when Dart is squeezed, showing off its iconic mouth and teeth; Features soft squeezable texture that measure 4 ½ inches long and fits perfect in the palm of the hand.” Hey, McFarlane. You should have hyphenated “lizard-like.” Otherwise, go ahead and sign me up for one of those adorable little monsters.
Squeezable Dart will go on sale in October.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!