Serial Killer Valentines

By the time you all read this, the sugary-sappy manufactured holiday will be past. Most of you guys and gals will have dropped a pretty penny on flowers, candy, and/or presents for your better halves that you’d just as soon have held onto. Tipping my hand, here, readers; I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Never was, never will be. And yes, I DO have a significant other. In fact she feels the same way about the holiday as I do, that’s it’s a day not of genuine affection but of obligation, for many folks, at least. You give presents because you’re EXPECTED to do so, not because you want to. Such gifting comes not from the heart but from a desire to keep the peace. That isn’t love. But I’ve gone off on a tangent, haven’t I? Okay, then. Back to the subject at hand, and that subject is—SERIAL KILLERS!

IF you feel at all about Valentine’s Day like I do, and IF your sense of humor is a little twisted, like mine is, you will get a kick out of these. Serial Killer Valentine’s Cards, available from the “anti-Hallmark” site noncomposcards. If you’re a member of the online PC police, your head may well explode with righteous indignation (which mightn’t be a bad thing, per se, as it is a way to be rid of some annoying PC wankers) and I do admit these cards are in questionable taste. They’re rather like a good but raunchy dirty joke. You feel a little guilty about laughing when you hear it, but you laugh anyway. If you want to try an experiment to find out how “cool” your girlfriend is, guys, then order one of these cards for next year and give it to her. If she laughs, you’ve found yourself a keeper.

(By the way, I ordered a Lizzie Borden card for myself. ‘Cause I know you were wondering.)

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763 MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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