werewolf, werewolves and lycans

Scare At Your Own Risk

A drive-in in Russia wants to hire somebody to dress as a movie monster and sneak up on couples necking in their cars and scare the lust right out of them. “3D and IMAX are not exciting any more. But when a blood-soaked maniac from the screen approaches your car – this is when you feel everything to the full extent.” So said a representative of the theater. (Translated from Russian, we assume.) “The position is not very typical and requires acting experience, as well as physical and psychological stamina.” Hmm. Stamina, you say? Why is that? Oh, and the performer will also be in charge of providing first-aid to any movie viewers who are frightened into hysterics or unconsciousness?

I’ve actually worked just such shows, although inside a standard theater as opposed to a drive-in. I put on the costume and come out and scare people who are focused on the movie and don’t notice me sneaking up behind them. It’s a lot of fun, both for the viewers and for the performers. But anybody who has ever worked at a haunted attraction can tell you, some people react to being scared with unintentional and instinctive violence. You gotta be ready to duck a punch or deflect a kick. And what dangerous implements might those theater-goers have stored inside their automobiles?

Might be worth the risk, though, to catch some hot-blooded young Russian couple in flagrante delicto, though. C’mon, admit it. You know that’d be funny.

The Evil Cheezman • January 23, 2018

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