Red Riding Hood: Finally, A Good Review
I was holding off on watching this movie, for god, like, ages. Everyone was constantly going on and on about how crappy it was. Well. They suck. That’s right, fellow movie reviewing bloggers, you suck. First off, maybe it has to do with my weird underdog thing; I wanted Agent Starling to be with Hannibal Lecter, and I wanted Frankenstein’s monster to have a wife, and I wanted Dracula to live and be with Mina, and I fell in love with the werewolf woodsman in The Company of Wolves, because damn it, werewolves need love too! But I’m getting way, way ahead of things, and I’m probably giving out spoilers. Oh yeah, if you haven’t seen the movie yet the this is your SPOILER ALERT.
Valerie is a girl torn between two guys; her lumberjack boyfriend Peter, and the better, more wealthy Henry, the blacksmith’s son. All this werewolf business has everyone on edge all the time, but during the blood moon, the werewolf kills Valerie’s sister. Bummer. Well, the locals call in this -massive- asshole, Father Solomon, played by Gary Oldman, who killed his own wife because she was a werewolf. Clearly, this guy doesn’t discriminate; he’s an equal opportunity werewolf hater. Oh, and he’s one of those Puritan types: burn the witch, all things remotely mystical = bad. Well, this guy has everyone freaking out too, and he starts really pushing everyone in the village around. Right about then, the werewolf starts -talking- to Valerie. Unfortunately, a friend finds out. The next day, this girl’s brother is taken prisoner by Father Solomon, and she turns in Valerie for a witch, to save him.
If we were in the here and now, this girl would have been whacked by the werewolf mafia, but no, instead, Valerie’s taken prisoner by Solomon and his hardcore Bible-thumper friends. They decide to use her as bait, –but with her father, Henry, and Peter’s help, they free Valerie, who now is pretty unsure about who the werewolf is, and only knows, that it’s someone who knows her. Unfortunately, this is one of those “everybody knows everybody” small towns. Valerie is approached again by the werewolf, and it bites off Solomon’s hand. Then Solomon gets killed because hey, a werewolf bite is a werewolf bite, after all. Can’t be makin’ exceptions just because you’re Mr. “I Know Jesus Personally and You Won’t Get Into Heaven With My Stamp On Your Head.” But the werewolf doesn’t get to take off with Valerie that night, because she’s on church grounds.
But she thinks the werewolf is her grandmother, so she takes Solomon’s hand (with the silver fingernails) –that was chopped off and laying in the snow, with her to grandma’s house. Where… the werewolf is waiting. Now, I’m not going to ruin it for you, and tell you who it is. But I will say, that Valerie does get her werewolf, and it may or may not be the one who is running around killing everybody. Alas! they do not give you too much Valerie on werewolf action, –which I definitely wanted more of. And that’s the only complaint I could really make. The werewolf wasn’t grotesque, but I can overlook that, because it was waaaay better than anything the Twilight werewolves have to offer, and it wasn’t a regular wolf either. Altogether, I think it was great, and I want to see a sequel!