Primed For PRIMAL? Skip It.

The recipe sounds tasty. Think SNAKES ON A PLANE. Then replace the snakes with various and sundry large carnivorous animals. There is a big game hunter onboard the plane, chaperoning all the animals. There is also an assassin who is being extradited to the US for trial. The bad guy escapes custody and opens all the cages, letting all the hungry beasts out. Because that’s what bad guys do, ya feel me? The set-up reminds me of the late 70s movie ROAR, starring a young Melanie Griffith, a film infamous for using real animals (they didn’t have CGI back then) with the end result being that several of the actors and crew were mauled during filming, some severely. It’s a safe bet that this won’t happen to any of the performers in PRIMAL, amongst which is lovely Famke Jannsen. Unfortunately, however, Nicholas Cage is also set to star in the film, and I have learned from unfortunate experience that if you ever see the words “Nicholas” and “Cage” together connected with a project, the movie won’t be worth watching. Too bad.

Don’t confuse PRIMAL with the rumored-to-be-bloody-awesome Bigfoot flick PRIMAL RAGE. The latter is heading to VOD on May 1st. Check out the official trailer here. PRIMAL doesn’t have a trailer yet. But like I said, Nicholas Cage is in it, so it really doesn’t matter.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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