Werewolves

ABC Attack—Not

This. This right here is why we can’t have nice things. When a credible sighting of an ABC (an Alien Big Cat, or a big cat in some place where a big cat ought not to be) occurs, the mainstream is always skeptical. Scientists dismiss it out of hand. And it’s because of assclowns like…

New STRANGER THINGS Trailer

A picture is worth a thousand words, and the same is true of trailers. Watch the latest for the forthcoming season of STRANGER THINGS, then, and you will know as much as I do, or as much as anyone does who isn’t directly involved in the production of the series. (Or isn’t clairvoyant.) That doesn’t…

New Practical Bigfoot!

“The Bigfoot in my upcoming horror/action movie No Man’s Ridge is shaping up to be one of the biggest, baddest practical effects monsters ever,” said Eric Red (BODY PARTS, BAD MOON) recently on Twitter. Robert Kurtzman is going to design the creature. The drawing sure looks bad-ass. So what’s the movie about? Here’s the rundown:…

Machete versus Were-Pigs!

“During the Third World War, the American government initiates a secret project named ‘Army Bacon’ in order to create super soldiers by breeding human beings with pigs. 25 years later a breed called ‘Muzzles’ have occupied the top of the food chain, eating and farming humans like animals. Rob Justice is an ex-bounty hunter working…

More on THE TRENCH

We won’t be getting an AQUAMAN sequel until 2022. (I wonder why they’re waiting so long? Much better to take the proper time and get it right, though, instead of rushing it.) Does that mean we’ll have to wait equally as long for that spinoff film, THE TRENCH, announced recently? Nope! Said producer Peter Safran…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 41

[LISTEN UP, FRIENDS. IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN READING UP TO THIS POINT, TRUST ME, YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO START READING RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. OTHERWISE YOU’LL MISS THE MOST BADASS WEREWOLF TO EVER GRACE A LITERARY PUBLICATION.] The Beast paused, pupils and nostrils dilated, ears erect. Listening, watching, smelling. Its purple-black tongue dangled from…

Wait, what? There Is Going To Be A New CRITTERS Movie?

I just, and I mean *just*, finished typing out an article about the new CRITTERS TV series for Shudder. No sooner had I hit that last period key on the ol’ laptop than news comes in that, in addition to the series rather than in place of it, there is in fact going to be…

Lindsay Lohan’s Werewolf Arriving in March

Lindsay Lohan has done a werewolf movie. Since it has a werewolf in it I guess I ought to report on it. Hell, it might by some miracle end up being good. I actually kinda liked I KNOW WHO KILLED ME; the plot was fairly interesting, once I was able to divorce myself from Ms….

What Went Wrong With The Dark Universe?

I can write those words now and it doesn’t sting. Now, that the Dark Universe has been resurrected—whether it is or is not still called the Dark Universe is irrelevant—has been saved by the fine folks at Blumhouse. Blumhouse architect Leigh Whannell will be directing the next installment of movies to feature one of the…

Let’s Talk About The Smiley Face Killings

Did you catch the series on Oxygen devoted to the search for answers in the “Smiley Face Killings”? If your answer to that question was “huh?” then it’s possible you have never heard of the Smiley Face Killings. A quick recap, then: Since the 90s, dozens of young men have gone missing under eerily similar…

Critters Are Back, and They’re Practical!

I’d heard reports that SyFY was going to be making new CRITTERS movies. This got me excited. Then I heard that a new film entitled CRITTERS: A NEW BINGE was filming in January. Turns out the new movie has morphed into an eight episode series that will begin airing on Shudder on March 21st. While…

Movie Review: UPGRADE

The Invisible Man is in good hands. Leigh Whannell, who directed UPGRADE (as well as INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER THREE and who also wrote the scripts for SAW, INSIDIOUS, and INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER TWO for Blumhouse), has been handed that particular property. His resume, and especially the results he achieved with UPGRADE, bodes well for the bandaged, transparent…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 40

NOW: The heat refused to yield to the coming of autumn, the setting sun providing but a minor respite to the crowds gathered in downtown Ironwood. Just like every year, the next-to-last weekend in October marked the culmination of the week-long “Miner Days” commemorating the founding of the town, but this year was the hottest…

Betsy the Werewolf

I haven’t seen this one yet, but it looks interesting. “After getting bitten by a mysterious creature, a young woman’s life begins to spiral out of control as she becomes a threat to the people of a small town,” says the premise. Which sounds like the basic plotline of every werewolf movie ever made, excepting…

My Flatwoods Monster

When it comes to monsters in West Virginia, Mothman gets most of the attention, and rightfully so, as he stuck around longer and put on a much bigger show. But the Mountain State has another monster who’s pretty famous in his own right: the Flatwoods Monster. First sighted on September 12, 1952 in Braxton County,…

Get Your Radioactive Maneating Dog Here!

Forgive me for being hyperbolas. To my knowledge none of the wild stray dogs currently living at Chernobyl are maneaters. Supposedly they aren’t even radioactive. I’m not trusting enough to go bringing one of ‘em into my home, but you can, if you are so inclined. The concept of a radioactive maneater is probably fiction….

The Thylacine Reborn

Allow me to paraphrase that line from JURASSIC PARK. Have scientists become so fixated on the question of whether or not they *could* do something that they haven’t stopped to ask themselves whether or not they *should*? No. Not in this case. In this case they certainly should. The Thylacine went extinct because of us….

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 39

Marley woke. *Oh, God.* Her head felt like concrete, too heavy to lift. She opened her eyes to a world of fuzzy colors. *It hurts.* She rubbed away tears, used her hands to examine the damage to her face, her head. It surprised her to find no obvious indications of damage to correspond to her…

Movie Review: THE CANNIBAL CLUB

There’s that old rule—I don’t know where it originated, but it’s been around for a while—stating that, if you see nudity within the first five minutes of a movie, then it’s a safe bet that the movie is going to be garbage. (Exceptions are rare but they do exist. NOCTURNAL ANIMALS, for example.) If you…

Toys toys toys toys toys toys!!!

The New York Toy Fair took place this past weekend, and oh the delightful offerings that were on display! So much awesome stuff that will be coming out this year! Where to start, even? We’re going to be getting a pair of ReAction Figures of TEEN WOLF, one in his basketball uniform and one in…

Halfway There!

I hope you all will indulge me, friends. I don’t want to belabor the point, but as I sit typing these words the fundraiser for Wolf and Ali Mertz, owners of WOLF’S MUSEUM OF MYSTERY, is halfway to its goal. I don’t want to see interest wane, now that a few days have passed. The…

Dungeons and Dragons Embraces STRANGER THINGS

Seems like a no-brainer to me. Considering how much STRANGER THINGS mined DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS for inspiration, naming its monsters after characters in the D&D pantheon—the Demogorgon, the Mind-flayer—why would the gaming company not capitalize on the wild popularity of the show? Turnabout is fair play, and all. And speaking of play, it will now…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 38

“Lucas!” No sight, no sound, no sensation. And then, a voice. “Lucas, for God’s sake, wake up!” Insistent, pleading. “If you don’t get up now, you never will!” From somewhere far away, yet strong. Calling to him., drawing him back from oblivion. “Wake up!” It would not let him sleep. “Lucas!” Familiar. “Lucas, listen to…

Ed Gein’s Ghoul Car

I have this dream of one day opening a museum of the odd and wonderful, like the Abita Mystery House and like my friends Wolf and Ali Mertz, who own Wolf’s Museum of Mystery. One item I had some interest in acquiring for my museum was Ed Gein’s car, the car he used to transport…

The Wendigo in PET SEMATARY

Some folks, when they learned that the upcoming remake of PET SEMATARY would depart from the plot of the original film as well as from the plot of the Stephen King novel upon which both are based, voiced their dismay. I, however, was pleased to hear it. If I simply wanted to watch the exact…