Werewolves

It’s 1985 Again!

Remember me talking about how crazy *over* STRANGER THINGS is? If you weren’t convinced, here’s undeniable proof. Because of STRANGER THINGS, Coca-Cola is bringing back New Coke. And New Coke is selling. It’s selling so well, in fact, with fans tripping over themselves by the millions to purchase New Coke, that it crashed the Coca-Cola…

The Otter Man

I chose to break up the name of this particular monster into two words. If I’d called it “Otterman” you might have misread and thought I was talking about the piece of furniture, or the Turkish/Muslim Empire from which the footstool was named. (The muckety-mucks of the Ottoman Empire tended to use such footstools, hence…

Cereal Monsters

Funko, you’re killin’ me. You just keep forcing me to give you my money. (All you other companies out there, tripping over yourselves trying to figure out ways to get some of my hard-earned—well, relatively-speaking—cash, you could learn a lot from Funko. It really is simple. Just make stuff that I want, and then offer…

The PET SEMATARY Sequel: More Wendigo?

Considering the hefty profit the film made, that there is going to be a sequel is a foregone conclusion. Or it may be a prequel instead. Who knows? My personal feeling is that they need to leave well enough alone. We all remember what happened the last time they forced a sequel, to the original…

Bundy’s Last Meal

Continuing with the whole “Ted Bundy is big news again thanks to Zac Efron” thing, here’s the latest. This linked article promises to tell us “The Reason Ted Bundy’s Last Meal Was Medium-Rare Steak Is Upsetting”. Before reading beyond the headline, I’d suspected they were going to try to force some reference to cannibalism. To…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 49

Mathilda sat with her back against the tunnel wall, waited until her heartbeat had slowed down and her wind came back. She groped beside her for the picnic basket, pulled it closer. She dug inside and found her great-grandmother’s old Catholic rosary: a string of porcelain beads and a large silver crucifix. Mathilda draped it…

In Search of Monsters: Wendigo

This Travel Channel series is fun, but it doesn’t exactly hold up under scientific scrutiny. Anyone who survives an attack by a Wendigo, the narrator tells us, is cursed to become a Wendigo too—just moments after they feature testimony from a woman who survived an attack by a Wendigo but did NOT turn into a…

More VOLUMES OF BLOOD

Remember VOLUMES OF BLOOD? I saw the original at the Legless Corpse Film Fest and quite liked it. In the interests of perfect honesty, which I must maintain in order to preserve my professional credibility, I have to say that I did not care for the sequel, which I saw at the *second* Legless Corpse…

Plagiarism Suit Against STRANGER THINGS Dropped

It came down to the wire, but the lawsuit was dropped by the plaintiff just before the case went to trial. I suspect the complainant was just hanging in there until the last minute, hoping the studio would pay him off. This happens not infrequently. It can be quicker and easier, and thus cheaper in…

Bundy’s Bite

“How Ted Bundy’s Teeth Became the Most Important Evidence in His Trial.” That’s the title of this linked article. The answer to me seems obvious: bite marks. They can be as specific as fingerprints. No two people have the same ones. Each is distinct. And Ted Bundy left bite marks on his victims. Just like…

Compare and Contrast: The Wendigo

Now that we are living in the post-AVENGERS: ENDGAME world, it’s kinda hard to remember that there were ever other movies at the theaters. Especially recent movies have been eclipsed by that juggernaut, a film the success of which is so massive that it borders on the absurd. Over a billion dollars in a single…

Who’s to Blame for the Failure of HELLBOY?

Let’s face it, the new HELLBOY was only ever intended for a niche audience. As a part of that niche audience, I really enjoyed it, despite the plot being a kaleidoscope of fragmented threads swimming around each other like little jellyfish with their tentacles never quite touching. If you are a member of that niche…

In Memoriam: Peggy Lipton

Man, when you’re a part of the “cult” that is attached to a cult TV show, to lose one of the people who made up that show, it feels all too personal. I belong to the TWIN PEAKS cult, and when we lose one of the residents of that strange little town it is like…

Cambionics

Do you know what a “cambion” is? My spellcheck insists it isn’t a word, but it really is. According to Wikipedia, a cambion is “the offspring of an incubus, succubus, or other demon with a human, or of an incubus and succubus.” Now I’ve gotta define what an “incubus” is, and what a “succubus” is….

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 48

As Lucas stepped from the recess of the cave out into the open, the darkness seemed to deepen and thicken. Walking became more difficult, like trying to move through water. The weight of it bore down on his neck and shoulders. Ripples passed through the darkness, unseen but felt, like silky hands caressing his naked…

Forensic Furbaby

You know how forensic artists, sculptors, can take a human skull, completely denuded of flesh, and can, using clay and other materials, reconstruct the face of the person the skull once belonged to? They do it a lot with murder cases, where a victim is found long after the body has decomposed and the identity…

The ANNIHILATION Bear Monster Really Existed?!

The one thing the movie ANNIHILATION really needed was more of the horrific mutant bear creature. For my part I wish the entire movie had been a straight-up Creature Feature devoted solely to the bear. Alternately, I wish they’d do a sequel along those lines. Something like 1976’s GRIZZLY (aka KILLER GRIZZLY), the magnificent and…

Jersey Devil on TV

I’ve been digging the new Travel Channel series IN SEARCH OF MONSTERS. The debut episode devoted to Sasquatch left me underwhelmed, but the one about the Loch Ness Monster was sweet, as was the one about Mothman. The latest episode focused on the Jersey Devil, and it maintained the status quo the series has established…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 47

Hank Frye had stopped believing in God around the same time he stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Little Hank had embraced atheism before he’d even known the definition of the word or how to spell it, relegating the stories and lessons he’d learned in Church school to the realm of fairy…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 46

Chaney fell, the asphalt tearing into her bare knees. She scrambled to her feet. From a white clapboard house just ahead and to her right, a woman and teenage boy stepped out onto their front porch. “Get back inside!” Chaney shouted. The woman on the porch shrieked, pulling the boy back through the screen door….

The Sizzlin’ Summer Horror Schedule

Other sites are starting to put out their lists of movies for genre fans to look forward to this summer, so I reckon I’ll weigh-in. It’s going to be a busy, busy summer at the cinemaplex, that’s for sure. (We’ll talk about all the stuff coming out on video later.) We’ll begin with BRIGHTBURN on…

Dinner with Frankenstein

If a place is called “Aretha Frankenstein’s”, you have some idea as to what to expect, in terms of décor if nothing else. You also have a better-than-good guarantee that I will seek this place out, if I happen to be in the neighborhood. Last week I was traveling, and as I always do when…

Badass Beast

Its name was SIMBAKUBWA KUTOKAAFRIKA. And it was Scary. As. F#ck. All that is required is a little imagination. Picture yourself alone, outside somewhere. Out camping maybe. Or hunting. Or maybe you were in a small-engine aircraft that had to make an emergency landing out on the veldt. You are unarmed, and to survive requires…

The Head of the Beast

I made a return trip to Chattanooga Ghost Tours this past week, and it was still there. The head of the infamous Sugar Flats Road Monster. Or actually it wasn’t, as the real head has disappeared. It used to be on display at the offices of Chattanooga Ghost Tours, but today there is only a…

THERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 45

Roosevelt couldn’t look at the needle. True, he scarce felt it when the young nurse slipped it into the vein at the bend of his elbow, but the mere thought of it made him queasy. So instead he looked across the street at a clown offering balloons to little children, at the SEED-N-FEED store’s exhibition…