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Movie Review: WONDER WOMAN 1984 (and the Cheetah’s Nipples)

The movie is fantastic. All the Normie haters are wrong, as they almost always are. Ignore them, if you haven’t seen this one already. You really should, as it’s as good as they come. There is one implausibility—how exactly did they get that jet all fueled and ready for takeoff without anyone noticing?—and normally an implausibility drops a movie a whole letter grade for me, if not more. And it’s such a contrivance that Diana conveniently remembered that spell to make things turn invisible. But considering these two minor things set up the joke of the Invisible Jet, which had me smiling so hard, I was willing to overlook them.

The only other minor flaw I saw in the film? Cheetah, after her second transformation, when she truly does become a were-creature, isn’t visually as impressive as I would have liked. It sorta looks like Kristen Wiig (who is all kinds of hella sexy in the role, lemme tell ya) is wearing a furry bodysuit. Blame the censors for this one, though, and the fact that the movie had to, for financial reasons, get that PG-13 rating. I would have preferred to have seen something closer to the rubber nipples sported by the protagonist of the 1976 Italian sexploitation “classic” WEREWOLF WOMAN (aka NAKED WEREWOLF WOMAN, aka SHE-WOLF, aka TERROR OF THE SHE-WOLF, aka DAUGHTER OF THE WEREWOLF, aka LEGEND OF THE WOLF WOMAN) or the real ones displayed by Victoria Sanchez in WOLF GIRL (aka BLOOD MOON—what is it with these alternate titles for movies about female werewolves, anyway?). I would have rather seen an anatomically-correct naked Cheetah, in other words, and not because Wiig is so hot in the role. It would have been more realistic. But again, censors and money. What’re you gonna do?

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763

MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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