Movie Review: PRIMAL

The problem with Nicolas Cage movies is that you never know ahead of time which Nicolas Cage you’re going to get. There are two, you know. It’s like Agent Dale Cooper in TWIN PEAKS. At some point several years ago, Nicolas Cage got trapped in the Black Lodge and was replaced by an evil doppelganger. This fake Nicolas Cage then set about making as many lousy movies as it could, and performing as badly as possible in them, all to make the real Nicolas Cage look bad. The real Nic was able to escape the Black Lodge a couple of years ago, but his evil untalented counterpart is still out there, and still getting cast in movies. So which Nicolas Cage stars in PRIMAL, the tale of an escaped criminal and an escaped killer leopard all trapped on a ship, and the macho big game hunter (one of the two Cages) who must survive both?

It’s all good; we got the good Cage. Granted, he hams it up, big time, as does the always excellent Kevin Durand, who plays the Big Bad. Having the two of them play off each other is one of the movie’s biggest strengths. The downside? The only real one is that the leopard looks really fake, so obviously CGI that you expect Tiffany to show up at some point. (You know, Tiffany Darwish, who’s done several of those cheapie CGI Horror flicks like MEGA PIRANHA.) Still, despite a lousy leopard, this one is a total blast.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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