Movie Review: ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
Do you like cotton candy? I confess that I do. It’s tasty. Sure, it’s 100% empty calories. It’s pure sugar, and it liquefies as soon as it gets inside your mouth. It’s sticky if you get it on your hands and face, and messy as hell if you give it to a kid. It’s the kinda stuff that’ll rot your teeth. But it’s tasty.
ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN is the cinematic equivalent of cotton candy. Pure fluffy, teeth-rotting sugar. The acting is as wooden as wooden can get. Like, petrified wood, even. The script is as stiff as a cadaver in the throes of rigor mortis, and just about as lively. The CGI is cheap; bargain-basement cheap. The monsters look like poorly rendered giant ground sloths. In other words, this is your stereotypical SyFy original offering. As of late, I’ve seen some SyFy films that were surprisingly good, original, competent: THE SANDMAN. NEVERKNOCK. STICKMAN. Then I go and watch this one, from 2013, and I’m reminded just how much those three efforts are the exception to the rule. ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN is the epitome of a cheapie B movie.
If you dig on cotton candy–the artistic equivalent of it–you’ll enjoy ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN for what it is. I did.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!