This brasses me right the hell off. I never got to visit there. In a way that’s for the best. Had I ever been there, and established memories there, I’d probably take the closing of the place, the Monster Café at the Universal Studios theme park in Florida, a lot harder. As it is, I’m pissed.

Said Universal Studios: “After more than 20 years of serving dreadfully-delicious quick-service menu offerings, Monsters Cafe in Universal Studios Florida permanently closed in the spring of 2022 to make way for a new dining experience.” A restaurant dedicated to celebrating all the classic Universal Monsters, featuring interiors that looked to have been carried over straight from the set of one of the classic movies and the Monsters themselves in statue form, and their visages up on billboards, and they had the audacity to *close* it?!

I have no idea what this “new dining experience” is going to be but it had better be someway related to the Universal Monsters, or else I’m gonna declare a geek fatwa against Universal Studios. And if you recall, Universal suits-in-offices, just what a thorn in the side of John Logan I became after he shafted the PENNY DREADFUL fans, trust me when I tell you, you don’t want none a’ this! If you thought Cato the Elder did some trash-talking of Carthage, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Nobody disses the Monsters on my watch!

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!


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