If you’re reading this and you’re not dead, you should be thankful. As of the typing of this article, the solar eclipse of 2017 has just passed. Did you see anyone being slaughtered by a Lizard person? No? Surely somebody out there did. We were supposed to be lousy with ’em, once the sun got occluded by the moon. The South Carolina Emergency Management Division warned that we would. Yeah, it’s easy for you to scoff, if you don’t live in South Carolina. But remember that South Carolina is the home state of the Bishopville Lizardman. And the Lizardman ain’t nothin’ to play with!
Officials tweeted these comments along with a graphic depicting locations where the Lizardman has been sighted: “This historical map is in response to recent media reports about possible paranormal activity associated with the upcoming total eclipse. SCEMD does not know if Lizardmen become more active during a solar eclipse, but we advise that residents of Lee and Sumter counties should remain ever vigilant…” Also, they encouraged citizens in a separate tweet to report any unusual occurrences or sightings. “Regarding possible paranormal activity potentially occurring during the #SolarEclipse2017. As always, if you see something, say something.” Did any of you see something?