In Praise of Doug Jones

I have said before that the ultimate in coolness is having your own Funko figure, a figure design depicting a character you have played. If this is the criteria, Doug Jones is the coolest man alive. One of the Gentlemen from BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. ABE SAPIEN. An alien from THE X-FILES. The Mother Ghost from CRIMSON PEAK. And while both the Fantastic Four movies sucked like Hoovers, Mr. Jones looked cool as the Silver Surfer in the second one. Also, he’s going to be playing NOSFERATU. Any other Funkos to his name? Did I miss one?

And if you aren’t convinced yet of his coolness, check out the guy’s resume. These are SOME of the roles he’s played: The Ice Cream Man from LEGION. One of the Ancients (and briefly The Master) from THE STRAIN. The Pale Man and Pan from PAN’S LABYRINTH. He did triple duty in HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY, the Chamberlain, the Angel of Death, and Abe Sapien, whom he also played in the original HELLBOY. He was The Bye-Bye Man. He was Cesare in the remake of THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI. He’s been in practically every geek property you can think of at some point or other.

After watching THE SHAPE OF WATER this past weekend, I sent Mr. Jones a private message. I offered him the greatest compliment I knew to offer, and I meant it. I said that he was the modern-day Lon Chaney. Anyone knowing the esteem in which I hold the latter will appreciate the enormity of the compliment. I hope Mr. Jones does as well.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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