Hunting Bigfoot

You’ve probably seen the headline. Some Congressman from Oklahoma wants to establish a hunting season for Bigfoot. Then this same Congressman apparently got his feelings hurt when people started calling him stupid. Come on, dude. If you say, or post, stupid things, you should expect that somebody, somewhere is gonna call you an idiot. No need for us to do it here on this site, since so many others have already taken care of that for us. Bonehead.

Sure it’s just a publicity stunt, but it’s still a numbskull move. Drunk redneck + loaded gun + hirsute guy who just happens to be walking through the woods at the same time = trouble brewin’. And what if, just for the sake of argument, some gravy seal type *did* manage to actually encounter and then kill a Bigfoot. What if Bigfoot is, as some theorize, a human ancestor? Wouldn’t that make it, or him, human, too? And wouldn’t that then be a case of murder? So what this bozo is actually pushing for is a hunting season in which it’s okay for rednecks to commit murder. He’s pushing for THE PURGE, basically. What a moron.

Friends, if you’re ever in the woods, and you happen to be armed, and you happen to encounter Bigfoot, do NOT shoot it. You might be committing murder, or you might just piss it off and it might just take your firearm and shove it someplace uncomfortable for you. Neither of those outcomes is to be desired.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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