How To Get Yourself Blocked 101

We maintain a zero tolerance approach to trolls here at this website and on our sister sites and Troll messages are immediately deleted when we get them, which I am happy to report is extremely rare. Far more common are the rambling, pidgin English missives we receive wherein the writer pleads with us to put him or her into contact with a real werewolf or a real vampire, or else wants us to tell him/her how to become a werewolf/vampire. The majority of these I suspect are written by children whose first language is not English. I’m always polite in my responses. Once.

Just this past week, I received one from this guy wanting me to introduce him to some real werewolves. I replied with something along the lines of: “I’m sorry, but they don’t actually exist outside of Hollywood.” I then, to throw a bone, added: “Or, if they do exist, they are nothing at all like what you are thinking they are. They aren’t what you see in the movies.” That’s my standard response, with some slight variation. Most times the person who contacted us is satisfied and offers his/her thanks. This one guy, though, immediately messaged me back, calling me a liar, demanding to know why I’m hiding the truth, alternately calling me ignorant of the existence of “real” werewolves. One little click of the mouse sent him away forever. Zero tolerance.

Friends, listen: Hollywood werewolves don’t exist except in Hollywood. Does, say, the Michigan Dogman exist? Quite possibly so, yes. But creatures like the Dogman aren’t Hollywood werewolves. You cannot be changed into one, nor would you want to be. And no, I cannot give you the Dogman’s email address. He asked me to keep it private.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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