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Fireside Chats: Wolfman Socks and Grammar

They may not be the coolest company in the world—that would be Funko—but Fright Rags is definitely the coolest *clothing* company in the world. They’ve got so much sweet swag, but their finest wares are their Universal Monsters collection. Wait, should that be “their finest wares *is* their Universal Monsters collection”? I’m the English major, I ought to know. “Collection” is, um, collective, so “is” would be correct. It sounds awkward, though. I’ll rephrase it. The Universal Monsters collection is Fright-Rags’s finest wares. No, no, wait. The object of the sentence is the “wares”. Or should that be *are* the wares? No, wares is collective. Here’s an easy tip to help remember it. If in doubt, think of the Borg collective from STAR TREK. You would always say “the Borg is” rather than “the Borg are” because Borg is collective, literally and figuratively.

Alright, let’s try it again. The Universal Monsters collection *is* the company’s finest wares. Reverse it and see how it sounds. The company’s finest wares is its Universal Monsters collection. No, that’s not right, is it? Because “wares” is plural.

Hell with it. You can get Wolfman socks at Fright-Rags. That’s all that really matters, isn’t it? The Wolfman socks are the coolest.

And it should be “socks ARE the coolest.” No question there.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763

MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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