“Don’t shoot, I’m NOT Bigfoot!”

Remember last week’s post, “Don’t shoot Sasquatch”? Sure you do. It chronicled how police in North Carolina had released a statement directing residents not to open fire on the hairy hominid after sightings were reported. Turns out it’s a good thing nobody started shooting. They might not have been shooting at Bigfoot after all. They might have been shooting at Gawain MacGregor, a local plumber. Had they actually hit him or even killed him, criminal charges might have resulted. How could such a thing have happened, a normal guy being mistaken for the legendary hirsute monster? WITHOUT the aid of alcohol, that is? Answer: It couldn’t. But Mr. MacGregor is not a normal guy. He likes to dress up in a homemade furry Bigfoot costume made from raccoon pelts and walk around in the woods performing “shamanistic rituals.” See the photos? Yep, that’s not Bigfoot. That’s Gawain MacGregor, the “Raccoon Man”!

Hold on, though, say the people who claim to have seen Bigfoot. They maintain that the creature they saw was NOT Raccoon Man, despite his confessing to the incident, but a REAL Bigfoot. “The creature that I saw was 8 feet tall with stringy matted hair,” says primary witness John Bruner of Bigfoot 911. Who you gonna believe, here?

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at


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