werewolf, werewolves and lycans

Don’t f*ck with Nature!

I recall a series of commercials from my childhood; they had the slogan “It’s not nice to mess with Mother Nature” or something like that; but I can’t remember what product the commercials were shilling. Anybody know what I’m talking about? Oh! Now I remember! Butter! Or margarine, actually. Chiffon Margarine. (Yeah, I just did a quick Google search. And yes, maybe I did watch a few of them on Youtube for the nostalgia feels. You wanna make something of it?!) The protagonist of the commercial is always on the receiving end of Mother Nature’s wrath for “fooling” her, because his margarine is just as tasty as butter. The commercials ran from 1971 through 1979, Google says. These commercials have nothing to do with the subject, or subjects, of this article. I just thought of them when I came up with the title. It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature, Chiffon Margarine taught us. A cruder way of saying the same thing would be, f*ck with Nature at your own risk.

First off, there’s this report of a guy who murdered an elk. Then he falls on said elk and gets impaled on its antlers. Had there not been other animal murderers with him at the time to call for help, the guy would probably have bled out. Poetic, innit? Unlike the elk murderer, a 63-year-old woman in Frederick, Maryland was just an innocent bystander when a 200-pound bear attacked and mauled her—in her own driveway. Specialists suspect the bear was just protecting her cubs, but did note that it walked with a limp, probably from being hit by a car. Maybe that’s what it was pissed off about.

Now I’ve got the Chiffon jingle stuck in my head. “If it tastes like butter but it’s not, it’s… Chiffon!”

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763


The Evil Cheezman • December 11, 2016

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