Don’t Buy That “Bro Bagged Bigfoot Baby” Baloney
People who keep up with the latest in Cryptozoology will be familiar with the name Justin Smeja. Smeja is this podunk who claims to have murdered two Bigfoots (there is no other word for it) and then taken a DNA sample from one or both of the bodies (Or was it TWO DNA samples? As with much of Smeja’s story, the details keep changing.), the so-called “Bigfoot Steak”, which confirmed the existence of Bigfoot. It’s hogwash. I watched a documentary the other night featuring Smeja, and it was painfully obvious, even to this non-Joe Kenda observer, that the guy was lying his ass off. His killing of two Bigfoots never happened.
One of Smegma’s–I mean Smeja’s–purported victims was an infant Bigfoot; in another version it was an adolescent. Again, it depends on the time of day when you ask him. And that DNA sample that proves Sasquatch is real? It was taken by other, credible Bigfoot hunters and tested at an independent lab. The results: the DNA of Mr. Smeja himself, and that of a black bear. Smeja passed, or claimed to pass, a lie-detector test, but if this dork told me the sky was blue, I’d look up just to make certain.
As an aside, “Bigfoot Steak” would make for one hell of a name for an Alternative band.
And as another aside, Smeja just got arrested for poaching. But not poaching Bigfoots. Oopsies. They also got him for perjury, too.
What, Smeja told a LIE?! The hell you say!
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!