Could it be…Satan Again?

The "Go to Church - or the Devil Will Get You!" sign along Interstate-65 north of Prattville, Ala., is pictured Monday, Sept. 21, 2009. Road builder W.S. Newell put the sign on his property along the interstate as a message to travelers. Newell died Saturday. (AP Photo/Dave Martin)

Cue the Church Lady, as portrayed on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE by Dana Carvey. We need her famous catchphrase.

A representative of the Opp, Alabama Police Department recently posted this on Facebook in regards to a series of local homicides: “THIS PAST SUNDAY, A YOUNG MAN WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN KINSTON. MONDAY NIGHT, A MOTHER WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN NORTHERN COVINGTON COUNTY. THERE HAVE BEEN FIVE MURDERS IN COVINGTON COUNTY IN 2018. THESE MURDERS HAVE BEEN DONE BY OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE WE HAVE TURNED AWAY FROM GOD AND EMBRACED SATAN. WE MAY HAVE NOT MEANT TO DO SO BUT, WE HAVE. IT IS TIME TO ASK FOR GOD’S HELP TO STOP THIS. IT IS TIME TO BE PARENTS AND RAISE OUR CHILDREN, NOT HAVE THEM RAISE US. IT IS TIME TO FULLY SUPPORT LAW ENFORCEMENT AND STAND BY THE OFFICERS AND DEPUTIES THAT ARE FAR TOO OFTEN HAVING TO WALK INTO THESE DANGEROUS SITUATIONS AND CLEAN UP THE MESS. FRIENDS, IT IS TIME TO STAND UP AND BE RESPONSIBLE, GROWN UP LEADERS IN OUR COMMUNITY. BOTTOM LINE, THERE ARE SHEEP; THERE ARE WOLVES AND THERE ARE SHEEP DOGS. WHICH GROUP DO YOU BELONG TO?” And they posted it in all capital letters, just to show they were serious!

Thing is, as a spiritual person I don’t disagree with the basic sentiment, although I find the preachy tone a tad off-putting. The problem, though, is that the Opp Police Department is a government agency, and government agencies cannot endorse any particular religious belief system or creed. The individual who posted the message should have stated plainly that he was speaking as an individual and not as a representative of any governing body.

Also, the Alabama Devil took exception to the accusation and was quick to respond that he had nothing to do with any of the murders in Opp.

(Opp, Alabama, by the way, has previously had only two claims to fame: it was home to a radical anti-abortion loon, and it hosts an annual “rattlesnake rodeo” where a bunch of innocent snakes are killed for entertainment. Yee and Haw, y’all.)

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763 MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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