Cave Bear on Ice

Now I have the song “Red Skies at Night” from The Fixx stuck in my head, only instead of those words I’m hearing “Cave bear on ice! Cave bear on ice! Whoah oh oh oh oh oh oh!” Yes, it’s a weird place inside my head.

Our ancestors had a hard go, if you think about it. Sure we have our problems today, loads of them, but those of us living in the First World don’t really have to worry about massive animals killing and eating us. For our ancestors, creatures like URSUS SPELAEUS were a real concern. They could be for us as well, if scientists decide to clone one, which they totally could, now. The fully preserved carcass of a cave bear has been discovered in Siberia. All the soft tissues are intact, all the internal organs. The freakin’ thing still looks like a bear. It looks like it died last week, despite the fact that it died somewhere between 22,000 and 39,500 years ago. The carcass was initially discovered by reindeer herders.

There’s talk of cloning wooly mammoths from the preserved tissue of carcasses that have been unearthed from permafrost, and direwolves, and cave lions, so we can add big-ass bears to that list. Soon scientists will have enough for an entire Ice Age zoo!

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (,, specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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