I saw it today. It. Him. The creature. The Blackmane. BM from now one, for the sake of convenience, okay?
So it wasn’t at all what I would have expected. I did expect that it would be a somewhat frightening experience. I mean, it would be like coming up on any animal in the wild, right? Or somewhat like that. So, yeah, I figured it would scare me. I expected that. I didn’t expect what happened.
I know now it—sorry, HE—didn’t intend to harm me. My mind knows that. If he had wanted to, he would have. I think he was just curious. Of course it was different when Judith encountered him for the first time. She says that he seemed curious that time, too. But she wasn’t, you know, NAKED at the time like I was.
I know, I know, why should that matter to a wild animal? It shouldn’t. But BM is not just an animal, is he? He is half human. And I swear, the way he was looking at me, it sure felt like a MAN looking at me. And there’s a part of me, not a big part, thank God, but it’s there. I can’t deny it. I feel what I feel. There’s a certain part of me deep down inside that feels a little bit like I was somehow violated.
That’s what you would call it if a strange man came up and stuck his face in your crotch without your permission, right, ladies? You’d call it a violation. Or a sexual assault. Okay, I get that the rules don’t apply in this situation. I do, I get it. It WASN’T a man that did it, and you don’t get all freaked out if a dog sniffs your crotch. You don’t freak out because an animal doesn’t know any better.
But then BM isn’t an animal. We keep coming back to that, don’t we? Not a man and not an animal. But God, today, it FELT like he was a man.
Alright, Maribelle. Rein it in. You’re overreacting. You were NOT violated. The hang-up’s in your head. Because he has the basic shape of a man you’re having an instinctual reaction. But he didn’t know any better, did he? And you know he didn’t mean any harm to you, right? So he sniffed you up. Big deal. Get over it.
You thought at the time that he might kill you and eat you, remember? And you’re not still hung-up on THAT. Logic wins out. You realize that wasn’t the case. He wasn’t planning to kill you and he wasn’t trying to violate you, either. So chill out.
Okay, okay. I’m overlooking the important thing, here. Which is that I have visual confirmation. BM is real. No hoaxes. He’s real. Think about that for a minute, what it means. Everything, all the rules, it’s all changed. Somebody erased all the lines. Time to start asking the big questions. Time to figure out what the big questions ARE.
I am lucky to be a part of this. This is big. Very, very big. Mind-boggling big. An animal-human hybrid with human-level intelligence. Alive and kicking. There is so much to learn. And I’m smack-dab in the middle of it. No, more than that. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been closer to BM (Oops. Almost called him “the Creature” again.) than anyone else alive. Yeah, after today, I guess you could say that he and I are acquainted.