Recently, I completed a long piece covering ‘Interview with an Ex Vampire‘, on Vampires.com, –sort of an expose on the whacked out things that people can be led to believe, as long as an old guy who looks like Santa Claus tells them it’s true. Bill Schnoebelen, if you’d never heard of him, is …odd. He goes around, trying every religion out there, then later comes back to tell everyone that the religion he happens to be a part of now, is the correct one, and all the other ones (Latter Day Saints, Catholicism, Vampire, Voodoo, Satanism) are all times in his life when Lucifer ruled his mind and body. Although, through all this time Satan guided him, he claims he never wanted to do anything but be a caring guy who watched out for people, and be all goody goody for everyone. Oh, I forgot, he was a Freemason too.
Some of the most hilarious stories Bill tells however, come at the very end of the nine hour interview (that’s right, I watched the whole damn thing, and can still spell my own name, and count to ten, go me!) when he begins talking about his shapeshifter buddies and the werewolf people he knows. Or ‘Were-people’ as he calls them. At one point in his life, Bill says, he was on the road of Satanism, and couldn’t think of what his next step should be, and he had to choose, for some reason, to become either a vampire or a werewolf. Well, he heard from his shapeshifter and Were-people friends, that it was a very painful business, being a werewolf or shapeshifter, and so Bill chose vampire, since they’re very ‘erotic and sexy’. Watching skinny crazy Santa Claus say words like ‘erotic’ and ‘sexy’ were almost my breaking point, but I held in there.
Because although Bill Schnoebelen didn’t choose to become a vampire, he still has a ton of interesting stories about them. I’ll tell you a couple of my favorites (honestly though, I could talk forever, especially about the five-year-old who came to him at one point, and claimed he underwent scientific experiments at Disneyland, and traveled through the paths of the Tree of Life), and then turn you loose so you can tell other people, and then hopefully, once we’ve got a cycle going, this guy can stop trying to pimp his insanely long interview full of bullshit. Because that is all this is people, profiteering off of scare tactics; it was Satanism in the 80’s, Goths in the 90’s, and now vampires are back in the controversial spotlight.
But werewolves? Apparently, those are in style too! At one point, after they’ve sorted through vampires, Mormons, Catholics, Walt Disney, Freemasons, Satanists, Wiccans, Pagans, and more, the interviewer, Stephanie Relfe, asks “What is a werewolf?” and Schnoebelen responds by telling her that the term is ‘lycanthrope’ and that they are individuals that are ‘very highly’ demon possessed, –and I can only guess that that means they have either lots of demons, or are mostly under the control of one big demon. And they can transform into this wolf-like thing that is ‘seven to eight feet tall, weighs over three hundred pounds, and can rip your head off.” Relfe then asks, if based on Bill’s own experience ‘in context’ (which means in my opinion, that after just over eight hours of interviewing Schnoebelen, Relfe is now convinced the man is completely full of shit) werewolves are real. Bill responds by saying,
“Yes, I think they are, and I was told while I was in the ‘Brotherhood of Satan that they were basically the assassin squad. If they wanted someone killed, and killed quickly and messily, then they would have one of their werewolf assassins go out and do it like the person had been mauled by a wild animal. … I’ve never seen a werewolf, but my wife has.”
He then relates that while he was a minister, at a conference in Salt Lake City (apparently this was in his Mormon days), and his wife was alone, and she heard some pounding animal footsteps outside, then she saw something staring back in at her through the window. There were huge footprints outside the next morning, but the werewolf was never able to get in. This was because Bill says, the power of Yahweh was able to keep the werewolf ‘powered by demons’, out of the house.
The next story is told with plenty of revolting detail; he claims a woman came to him trying to get support after a divorce with her werewolf/airline pilot husband. He raped her while in werewolf form, Schnoebelen claims, and she had scars to prove it, as well as a (deformed?) child to prove it. The next story was one I mentioned in the Vampires.com post, but my favorite of all time, is when Bill recounts the tale of a Samoan Mormon Elder who transforms halfway into a “were-orangutan” in his passionate protest against the Christians who were preaching in a park, against the Mormon doctrine. My favorite, because it shows Bill’s blatant racism and prejudice, not to mention the best example of his lunacy. Oh, and that the last transformation scene in The Howling… was real. If you haven’t seen the interview, and are in need of a good laugh, –or if you enjoy Art Bell’s AM radio show, you’ll love Schnoebelen’s interview.