Bigfoot Steak and Bigfoot Boogers
Remember Justin Smegma, the wannabe con artist who claimed to have murdered a family of Bigfoots, including a cute little baby Bigfoot? He’s the bozo who then produced a chunk of Bigfoot flesh, termed the “Bigfoot Steak”, for DNA testing. I for one was shocked, shocked I tell you, when the DNA tests revealed a mixture of black bear DNA and Justin Smegma’s DNA. Also, Smegma—oh, sorry, that should be *Smeja*–claimed to have a pair of boots splattered with Bigfoot blood. But the DNA tests found no blood of any sort on those boots. I watched the television show wherein the results were presented to Smeja and watched him start crying. I didn’t feel in the least sorry for him, nor should you.
Likewise, while the owners of the “Bigfoot smudge” seemed a bit more credible to me than did Smegma—Smeja—they too were met with disappointing results. After abandoning their vehicle in the woods and then returning to get it later, they found what they claim is a big smudge left by Bigfoot’s face when it looked into the vehicle. But DNA testing revealed nothing but human DNA—theirs. Either they weren’t careful enough not to touch the window when they removed it, or they faked it. Or maybe Justin Smeja came along and licked the window for them.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!