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Bigfoot is just a big ol’ Orangutan

If, that is, Bigfoot is in fact Gigantopithecus blackii, the giant species of ape believed to be extinct but that is frequently put forward as the true identity of Sasquatch. Size-wise, it fits the profile perfectly. Gigantopithecus was BIG, dude. As in ten-to-twelve-feet-tall big. Those who discard Giganto as Bigfoot point out that the animal supposedly has been extinct for quite some time, dying out around 300,000 years. This is about the same time when modern human beings appeared in Africa. Since Giganto lived in Asia, it’s unlikely that we, meaning modern humans, had much to do with Giganto’s disappearance. (If it really did go extinct, that is.) Also, scientists believe Giganto would have walked using its arms and knuckles, the way chimpanzees and gorillas do. This would be at odds with the recorded bipedal gait of Bigfoot.

But if Bigfoot *is* Giganto, then we can conclusively say that Bigfoot is a kissing cousin of the orangutan. DNA from enamel proteins extracted from a 1.9 million-year-old fossilized tooth from China proves the connection. Though orangutans and Gigantos split from the same family tree some 12 million years ago, scientists still hypothesize that Giganto might have looked a lot like an orangutan—a BIG orangutan.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763

MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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