I don’t cook. Or bake. To me they are one and the same, but I not infrequently get reminded that one “cooks” some things and “bakes” others. What’s the difference? I know you’re supposed to say that you “bake” cookies, pies, and cakes. So you only “bake” things that are sweet? What about “baked” chicken? Huh? Chicken isn’t sweet. Explain *that* one, you culinarians out there!
So no, I won’t *cook* this cake. But if someone else wanted to *cook* it for me, I’d sure be glad to eat it. A Bigfoot Bundt cake. (I will always think of that scene in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING—one of the precious few chick flicks I actually like, or have actually watched—wherein the aunt is trying to pronounce the word, not knowing what a “Bundt” is. “Buuuunnnd-ttt!” “Ohhhh, it’s a caaaaake!”) You slice it open and find a representation of Bigfoot inside. The Bigfoot figure inside the cake is striking the pose recognizable from the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film. It should be noted that it is necessary to possess a Bigfoot cookie-cutter in order to create the effect. (There’s a link to purchase just such a cookie-cutter in the body of the linked article.)
“Sasquatch. Yeti. Bigfoot. He goes by so many names, yet he’s still an enigma. He could be behind that tree in the woods, or perhaps in the icy mountain of a theme park ride, but most likely you’ll find him…in a Bundt cake.” Yes. A Bundt cake *cooked* by some cryptid-loving chef.
WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763
MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!