Author: The Evil Cheezman

“New Research Bolsters Claim That Neanderthals Buried Their Dead” reads the headline of this linked article. I had the same reaction as the writer of that article when I first read its headline: Isn’t that a done deal, I thought? Didn’t we already know that Neanderthals buried their dead? As he said: “I must admit,…Continue readingNeanderthal Funerals

Once upon a time, Horror maestro John Carpenter was supposed to be making a remake of the classic Universal chiller THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. For whatever reasons that film never got made. But maybe, just maybe, we can change that from “never got made” to “hasn’t been made YET”. With the incredible success,…Continue readingCarpenter’s Creature

“Alaska 1993. A snowstorm has trapped the small mountain town. Now it’s up to a group of rebellious teenagers to save their town that don’t believe in monsters.” So reads the synopsis—poorly. Is the “small mountain town” supposed to be named “Alaska”? That’s how the synopsis makes it sound. And they’re out to save a…Continue readingCheck Out FEAR OF THE WOODS

Following up on the report last week on the breaking of one of the Zodiac killer’s ciphers, Sam Blake, the Australian mathematician who was one of the teammates who solved the code, had this to say: “I’ve been asked before if I thought the Zodiac understood how much more difficult he made it by doing…Continue readingZodiac Shot Himself in the Foot?

I don’t remember the last time, before the other night, that I tuned into public television. As it so happened, I was setting the DVR to record the Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon, which aired this year exclusively on public television because Apple bogarted the broadcast rights, and I noticed the program airing directly before good…Continue readingThe Wolf of Passau

The monks maintained gardens, both to feed themselves and the fruits of which they shared with the townsfolk. They practiced medicine, as a couple of them had some training. There were potters, blacksmiths, bakers and brewers among their number. I became one of the group selected to teach the children of Gilead, and those children…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 58

I had known that it was happening. Or, if not known, surmised, suspected. I did not want to admit it to myself. I had found peace again. Against all my expectations. Tranquility. Happiness, even? Dare I admit it? Yes, now I will say it. Before I feared, perhaps, to acknowledge it, even to myself. Always…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 57

He ain’t got teefers or claws, or didn’t have (probably), and he wasn’t covered with fur (probably) and the full moon had nothing to do with his crimes (probably, although he was a little obsessed with constellations and celestial phenomena and such), but he was a serial killer, and in the past serial killers were…Continue readingZodiac Decoded

This isn’t surprising. It was ambitious for the studio to think that movie theaters would be operating normally by February of next year. They won’t be. Even with ‘Rona vaccines on the way, the logistics are gonna be a bugger. It’s going to take a while to get enough people vaccinated for us to get…Continue readingANTLERS Yanked

I don’t have Shudder so alas I will miss this one, but you should check it out. The CREEPSHOW HOLIDAY SPECIAL will debut on the streaming service on December 18th, and will feature as one of the series’ anthology pieces a special hour-long episode called “Shapeshifters Anonymous”, in which “an anxious man…fearing he is a…Continue readingThe Creepshow Holiday Special—with Werewolves

There’s a new theory that human beings who have suffered heart attacks or strokes (But are still alive afterward, obviously—Wait. Is it “afterward” or “afterwards”? Ah, pardon me while I chase down this rabbit…Okay, just googled it. I was right. There’s no difference. While the Internet says that “afterward” is more common in the US…Continue readingTime to Hibernate

Or “bended”, to be more correct, maybe? It doesn’t sound as powerful, though, as the header of an article. “Get bended.” No, it lacks a little of the ring, the ironic forcefulness. But since we’re talking about bendable action figures—you know, action figures with wire skeletons covered with rubber flesh that you can pose any…Continue readingGet Bent!

I have a confession of sorts to make. While I don’t know Channing Tatum personally, we both come from the same place. We call the same small Southern town our hometown. Neither of us lives there now, but it is where we are from. (Incidentally, actor Lucas Black, famous for his deep Southern drawl, who…Continue readingGuilty Confessions

Marvel bigwig Kevin Feige has announced that the part of T’challa the Black Panther, originated by Chadwick Boseman, will not be recast. That means we’ll be getting his little sister Shuri as the new Black Panther for the sequel. There is some foundation for this, as Shuri did serve as the Panther for a time…Continue readingA New Black Panther

EDITOR’S NOTE (Continued) Despite the best efforts of the Emperor, however, some external evidence does exist, two statements mentioning that which he had decreed remain taboo. After much tenacious effort on my part, I discovered two references to the event recorded by independent sources. It is fortunate for me that I find historical minutiae, however…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 56

The film will debut on Shudder on January 14th, and hopefully on DVD shortly thereafter for the unfortunates like me who can’t livestream it. According to that aforementioned streaming service, HUNTED is “an exhilarating, transcendent, and frequently brutal survival tale that elevates itself with the power of myth and magic, while still holding an exacting…Continue readingHUNTED in the New Year

I haven’t seen this one yet but I look forward to it. It has an impressive cast full of all sorts of Geek Cred—Ray Wise (TWIN PEAKS, SWAMP THING), Leslie Easterbrook (THE DEVIL’S REJECTS), James Hong (BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), and C. Thomas Howell (THE HITCHER)—and a sweet premise: “The 80s throwback horror tells…Continue readingAll About BEAST MODE

The remains of a wolf-like canine dating back 8400 years have been unearthed in Sölvesborg, Blekinge County, Sweden, some 350 miles south of Stockholm. That particular breed of dog no longer exists, but according to zooarchaeologist Ola Magnell at National Historical Museums, Sweden, it was similar to “a Spitz” or was “a dog like a…Continue readingThe (Pint-sized) Hound of Wotan

Now there’s a way to kickstart a new (hopefully better) year! The unfinished sequel to 1976’s GRIZZLY has been finished at last and is set to debut in January—with both a livestreaming and a theatrical release. Wait, what? Theatrical?! Hell, yes! Color me there! So what’s the plot for this one? “All hell breaks loose…Continue readingGRIZZLY II Coming in January!

With Channing Tatum (translation: destined for failure) lined up to star in a new more comical (translation: destined for failure) take on one of the classic Universal Monsters, two questions come immediately to mind. The first: Why? Who could possibly think this was a good idea? And the second: Which of the Monsters are they…Continue readingWhich Monster’s Legacy Will Tatum Tarnish?

Editor’s Note As I have stated elsewhere, I am well aware that the burden of proof in this situation, the supposition that the Confessions document is genuine, must fall to me alone. When arguing fantastical claims, the evidence necessary to support and validate those claims must by necessity be substantial, must be strong in degrees…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONSOF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 55

I read issue number 40 of SWAMP THING, titled “The Curse”, before I saw the film THE COMPANY OF WOLVES. I’ve written before of the huge debt I owe to SWAMP THING and to writer Alan Moore and artists Steve Bissette and John Totleben, who created it. The imprint this comic, Horror of the highest…Continue readingSexy Skinless Werewolf Babes (and Swamp Thing)

Apparently the animatronic Yeti on the Expedition: Everest ride at Disneyworld’s Animal Kingdom is on the fritz. Who knew? I didn’t. Apparently it’s been on the fritz for quite some time. I didn’t know that, either. Joe Rohde, the Imagineer (that’s what they call them, right?) in charge of the Animal Kingdom park, announced his…Continue readingFix the Yeti

Plagiarism ain’t cool, so I always want to be sure to credit those who do the heavy lifting for me. In this case, it was the folks over at AVP Galaxy. They did some Internet sleuthing and came up with some details, even though none have been officially released. Here’s what they had to say:…Continue readingAbout that PREDATOR Sequel

Sure we’re into the holiday season proper now, but some of us are still talking about Halloween, so deal with it! Also I did just stumble across this site, like, yesterday, so it counts. For all the bad that the Internet has brought into our lives, I cannot but be thankful for it. In so…Continue readingYesterday’s Werewolf

I’d poked my head in the door once before, briefly, when I visited the Arx Mortis haunted attraction in Killen, Alabama back in 2017, but hadn’t really had a chance to “experience” it then. My recent visit at the end of November in this year of the ‘Rona found the haunt itself closed for the…Continue readingA Visit to Keeper’s Korner

Mr. Prowse, who passed away last night at age 85, already had gained his Geek Cred even before taking on his most famous role: more on that in a second. Prowse starred in FRANKENSTEIN AND THE MONSTER FROM HELL, as the titular Monster from Hell, and in THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN, also in the role…Continue readingIn Memoriam: David Prowse

God’s deliverance did not end there in the arena. I awoke back in a cell underneath the Coliseum. I knew it from the sounds and smells, the hard earth and straw beneath my back, knew where they had left me. Also I knew that night still held sway over the land, for I could sense…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 54

I credit it to the company I keep. I had no idea that anyone, anywhere had objected to FREAKY as somehow offensive to the trans community and the crossdressing community. I suppose it’s just that none of my friends are stupid, and none of *their* friends are stupid, either, not the ones I have come…Continue readingFREAKY, Buffalo Bill, and the Overwoke

Yes, please, and thank you! With news breaking this week that a new lighthearted and comedic take on one of the classic Universal Monsters is planned—we don’t yet know which one—and that this film will star non-actor Channing Tatum, any other news relating to the Universal Monsters universe could be, depending on what it is,…Continue readingLandon to JEKYLL AND HYDE?

Here’s some good news to counterbalance the news this week that plans are underway for a new comedic “reimagining” of a Universal Monster (ugh) with Channing Tatum (ugh) set to star: Robert Englund, Freddy Krueger himself, has joined the cast of STRANGER THINGS for the forthcoming fourth season! That’s so cool that it almost, dang-near…Continue readingFreddy to STRANGER THINGS

Uh-oh. This doesn’t sound good. Not at all. Rumors are that a new Universal Monsters movie is in the works, and that Channing Tatum will be starring in it. That could mean that Tatum could be playing the part of the Monster. Even if he isn’t though, even if he’s only playing a supporting role,…Continue readingChanning Tatum and the Universal Monsters

Dammit! This dude in Germany is gonna make us all look bad! They say that the suspect in a case of murder and cannibalism from Berlin, a high school teacher who has not yet been identified, had shown an interest in cannibalism before his recent arrest, after the discovery of a body with bones bearing…Continue readingBones with Bite Marks

This is what happened: They placed me, my hands bound with rope behind my back, upon the pedestal that would lift me up into the arena. I could hear the roar of the multitudes through the ceiling, so loud that it shook dust from the rafters, thousands, tens of thousands of voices shouting, clamoring for…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 53

Why, after all I had known in my life, did I find it so hard to believe? The sad truth of it is, while I did not hold to any doubts concerning the existence of God, I did doubt—in fact, if I am honest with myself, and with you who are reading these words, I…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 52

I’m going to list these two together, even though Mr. Ruby passed away a few months ago and Mr. Spears died just last week. The two men are inextricably linked, and while it’s sad that they’ve left us, it’s appropriate that they both made their exits from the mortal stage so close together. It’s sorta…Continue readingIn Memoriam: Joe Ruby and Ken Spears

But what will Leatherface do with the *rest* of the body? It makes for tasty barbecue, they say. Somebody who had a deal worked out with a surgeon who had leftover human skin on-hand from performing cosmetic surgeries on formerly morbidly obese patients who have since lost lots of weight and thus had to have…Continue readingHuman Skin For Sale

A group of twentysomething friends—shockingly there are five of them, two females and three males, and of the latter, one of them is a wisecracking black dude; this in itself ought to tell you all you need to know about the kind of movie you’re going to be watching—goes to a cabin in the woods…Continue readingMovie Review: THE BREED

My hat is off to screenwriter Anna Shields, who also portrays the lead character in this film. She’s got some real chops. MONSTROUS does a fine job of subverting expectations. Things don’t play out the way you expect them to. The flick is fresh and inventive and, supported by strong performances by all the principal…Continue readingMovie Review: MONSTROUS

Yes, I despaired. The visitation had robbed me of all hope. Yet that hopelessness gave me a renewed strength, as well, for when one is in all sense devoid of hope, in the grip of perfect hopelessness, what recourse has he but to abandon all to God? In my weakness was my strength. In my…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 51

Neil Marshall, the guy who gave us DOG SOLDIERS and THE DESCENT, two of the best Horror movies of the past two decades, is working on a new flick entitled THE LAIR. I’m in, already. This guy’s resume sells it for me. And the title. And the fact that it’s described by him as a…Continue readingAnd Speaking of THE LAIR

I won’t say that I’ve been champing at the bit (Note: I didn’t misspell the word “champing”, there; “champing” is correct, not “chomping”—there’s your English lesson for today. See, Mom, all those years spent working towards that English degree and that teaching degree weren’t wasted!) for a sequel to DOG SOLDIERS. I sure wouldn’t turn…Continue readingAnother DOG SOLDIERS?

The other day I was driving north on Interstate 65 in my home state of Alabama when I saw a sign advertising a Halloween store at an approaching exit. As the first day of Halloween had just passed (You all know that Halloween is a season, right? It isn’t just one day.) I wondered if…Continue readingRebel Hell

After the Roman writer Petronius, who, in his SATYRICON in 1 AD, mentioned a werewolf transformation beneath a full moon but did not explicitly draw a connection between the two events, when was the next mention of the connection, or possible connection, between lunar activity and the transformation of man into beast? In Literature, which…Continue readingWhence the Full Moon, Part Two

Before I say anything else, let me say this. My grandfather only had three fingers on his right hand. Some people with disabilities, specifically ectrodactyly (which means they are missing fingers (or toes, but it’s fingers that are the issue here), or people who claimed to be speaking out for them, got bent out of…Continue readingGive Them The Finger(s)

I sought God. The Devil answered me. My personal Devil. I could tell, the last night before the change came over me. I could feel the beast inside me awake and stirring, stretching itself, raking claws down the inner walls of my soul. I knew that the following night the moon would reach sufficient fullness.…Continue readingTHE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF Part 50

No, I don’t mean the movie of that title, the one we were supposed to have seen already had the coronavirus pandemic not led to the movie being postponed an entire year. I’m referring to the score I made at Spirit Halloween this year. I’ve never been a Black Friday shopper. In fact I actively…Continue readingHALLOWEEN Kills

People buy books based on the covers. That’s a statistical fact. That isn’t the only criteria, no, but it’s one of them. I have never purchased a book solely because it had a snazzy cover, but I’ve picked them up for that reason, and read the back, and, if it had an intriguing premise and…Continue readingHUNTER HUNTER: Attention Snagged

IFC Midnight will be handling distribution in the United States for the Canuck shocker OUT COME THE WOLVES from director Adam MacDonald. Filming is set to begin in the summer next year. Wow, they’re this far out and already have IFC onboard. Good for them. Here’s the official pitch for the flick: “The story follows…Continue readingOUT COME THE WOLVES Promises, um, Wolves

I don’t know about this one. On the one hand, Peele has made it his specialty crafting quality Horror cinema centered around black characters and black issues, and THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS has both. There’s all this subtext about gentrification, greed, and class warfare that Wes Craven imbued into the original film. Peele could…Continue readingJordan Peele Remaking THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS