Due to error in scheduling, someone ended up publishing a post that was meant for April 1st; wait to go, guys! But the up-side of all this is that we get to see a hilarious post about the werewolves on the UIC campus, on the full moon of March 19th. As some of you may remember, the moon of March 19th was closer to the earth than it had been in nearly two decades; if ever there was a perfect time for college werewolves on run rampant across campus causing practically apocalyptic insanity, that would have been the night. Apparently, forced to transform, werewolf factions broke out onto the campus, and used the place as their own personal battle grounds, causing panic for students, teachers, security, and local law enforcement.
The Chicago Flame reports on the spectacular events on the quad at UIC:
“A full moon lit up the UIC quad on March 19th at 6:10 p.m. Students walked under its radiant bright light, exiting lecture centers and the library. At approximately 6:15 a guttural howl was heard.
“It sounded like it came from UH,” recalled one student who was in the quad at the time. “As soon as I heard that noise, I knew my life was in danger. You don’t hear that in the city.”
However, werewolves and Lycans have run rampant throughout the campus for months now. They have been wreaking havoc all over. Their actions have ranged from attacking people to urinating on fire hydrants. Oddly enough, high rates of public nudity have been documented the morning after these incidents.
Regardless, UIC’s quad became the battleground for a ‘pissing match’ between rival factions of werewolf packs. This division was due to disagreements on transformation processes. Whereas werewolves are only capable of transforming under a full moon, Lycans can change at their own will.
It has been argued that werewolves become rendered obsolete, while Lycans’ reinvention allows them to produce different werewolves at all times. This bifurcation of ideals and principles, regarding werewolf tradition, is what caused the fight to last until the sun started to rise.
Concerns were raised by Campus Care. The university healthcare program stressed necessary preventive strategies to advocate for school safety. Furthermore, deans and professors of various UIC colleges questioned why UIC Police were not better prepared.
The question “Where are the silver bullets?” can be seen spray painted on walls and doors all over campus. This question was answered by a UIC police officer, who wished to remain anonymous.
“The potential risk with acquiring silver bullets is that we fear current UIC students are transforming,” said the police officer. Although the school remains optimistic about its ability to prevent future werewolf vs. Lycan, there are serious ethical questions involved in shooting at students.”
Ya think? I had no idea that there was such a distinction between the “Lycans” and “werewolves”, but okay, I’ll bite. So these factions headed out to the UIC quad to kick each other’s asses. Cool. Anyway, it was a great April Fool’s Day story, despite being almost a week early. Now, how can we possibly top this? What do you guys think? Any ideas for our big April Fool’s Day Bullshit Bulletin?