Marley decided to watch some TV while she waited for Leland to wake up. She went to Leland’s easy chair, crammed into the trailer’s kitchen with the rest of his furniture, and sat down. The remote for the TV had been left on the stove. She could reach it from where she sat, and she…Continue readingTHERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 51
To quote Sophia Petrillo from THE GOLDEN GIRLS, picture it: England. The 15th Century, during the English Civil War. Forces loyal to the king were pitted against the fundamentalist forces of Cromwell. Prince Rupert of the Rhine, nephew of the British monarch King Charles I, was so fierce and successful in battle that it was…Continue readingBoy the Witch-Dog
Out of all the werewolf movies out there, there are two, only two, that stand in contention for the title of greatest werewolf movie ever made. Universal Studios’ 1941 masterpiece THE WOLFMAN (originally the grammatically incorrect THE WOLF MAN) starring Lon Chaney Jr. and Hammer Studios’ 1961 equally masterful THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF starring…Continue readingWho’s The King?
Let us see if we agree with Den of Geek and their compilation of the “Cinema’s 10 most underrated monsters.” In no particular order, then (actually the order in which they listed them, cuz I’m lazy), they are: Q the Winged Serpent; the aliens of PITCH BLACK; the Kathoga monster from THE RELIC; the Graboids…Continue readingUnderrated Beasts and Where to Find Them
Remember the Halloween candy buckets crafted in the likenesses of the classic Universal Horror Monsters? Sure you do. I was impressed when I first laid eyes on them (via the computer screen rather than in person) and excited to buy one or all of them. (Yeah, it would have been all of them.) My favorites…Continue readingProduct Review: Super7 Universal Monster Buckets
I have never seen the amount of onscreen bitching among my friends on social media, concerning any topic, as I have seen regarding that series finale of GAME OF THRONES. I never watched the show. This last statement does not make me one of those who boasts about having never watched the show. I understand,…Continue readingJon Snow’s Direwolf
It hurt so bad, Chaney couldn’t even scream. It took so much effort just to breathe. Yet, somehow, she never lost consciousness. The Beast carried her as it ran, carried her in its jaws. Her head bounced along the ground, dragged over concrete and grass. When the Beast leapt through the air it bit down…Continue readingTHERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 50
Seems like I just finished writing an article on Funko, the world’s coolest company. It seems that way because I *did* literally just finish writing such an article. Now there’s some more Funko news to relay, this time having to do with STRANGER THINGS. There is gonna be a shit-ton of new STRANGER THINGS stuff…Continue readingMore STRANGER THINGS and AWIL Merch
There is a mansion in Vancouver, British Columbia that has a portal to Hell inside it. But a court has ruled that this isn’t a good enough reason for the purchaser of the property to get her money back. The hell you say! Quoting a local real estate executive: “Portals to hell are a niche…Continue readingGo to Hell
I’m using “over” here the way it’s used in the world of professional wrestling, which developed out of Carnie-speak. To be “over” means that a performer or concept has gotten “over” with the crowds. It denotes a level of visibility and success. If a performer has developed a following or draws a strong reaction from…Continue readingSTRANGER THINGS Is Over!
Remember me talking about how crazy *over* STRANGER THINGS is? If you weren’t convinced, here’s undeniable proof. Because of STRANGER THINGS, Coca-Cola is bringing back New Coke. And New Coke is selling. It’s selling so well, in fact, with fans tripping over themselves by the millions to purchase New Coke, that it crashed the Coca-Cola…Continue readingIt’s 1985 Again!
I chose to break up the name of this particular monster into two words. If I’d called it “Otterman” you might have misread and thought I was talking about the piece of furniture, or the Turkish/Muslim Empire from which the footstool was named. (The muckety-mucks of the Ottoman Empire tended to use such footstools, hence…Continue readingThe Otter Man
Funko, you’re killin’ me. You just keep forcing me to give you my money. (All you other companies out there, tripping over yourselves trying to figure out ways to get some of my hard-earned—well, relatively-speaking—cash, you could learn a lot from Funko. It really is simple. Just make stuff that I want, and then offer…Continue readingCereal Monsters
Considering the hefty profit the film made, that there is going to be a sequel is a foregone conclusion. Or it may be a prequel instead. Who knows? My personal feeling is that they need to leave well enough alone. We all remember what happened the last time they forced a sequel, to the original…Continue readingThe PET SEMATARY Sequel: More Wendigo?
Continuing with the whole “Ted Bundy is big news again thanks to Zac Efron” thing, here’s the latest. This linked article promises to tell us “The Reason Ted Bundy’s Last Meal Was Medium-Rare Steak Is Upsetting”. Before reading beyond the headline, I’d suspected they were going to try to force some reference to cannibalism. To…Continue readingBundy’s Last Meal
Mathilda sat with her back against the tunnel wall, waited until her heartbeat had slowed down and her wind came back. She groped beside her for the picnic basket, pulled it closer. She dug inside and found her great-grandmother’s old Catholic rosary: a string of porcelain beads and a large silver crucifix. Mathilda draped it…Continue readingTHERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 49
This Travel Channel series is fun, but it doesn’t exactly hold up under scientific scrutiny. Anyone who survives an attack by a Wendigo, the narrator tells us, is cursed to become a Wendigo too—just moments after they feature testimony from a woman who survived an attack by a Wendigo but did NOT turn into a…Continue readingIn Search of Monsters: Wendigo
Remember VOLUMES OF BLOOD? I saw the original at the Legless Corpse Film Fest and quite liked it. In the interests of perfect honesty, which I must maintain in order to preserve my professional credibility, I have to say that I did not care for the sequel, which I saw at the *second* Legless Corpse…Continue readingMore VOLUMES OF BLOOD
It came down to the wire, but the lawsuit was dropped by the plaintiff just before the case went to trial. I suspect the complainant was just hanging in there until the last minute, hoping the studio would pay him off. This happens not infrequently. It can be quicker and easier, and thus cheaper in…Continue readingPlagiarism Suit Against STRANGER THINGS Dropped
“How Ted Bundy’s Teeth Became the Most Important Evidence in His Trial.” That’s the title of this linked article. The answer to me seems obvious: bite marks. They can be as specific as fingerprints. No two people have the same ones. Each is distinct. And Ted Bundy left bite marks on his victims. Just like…Continue readingBundy’s Bite
Now that we are living in the post-AVENGERS: ENDGAME world, it’s kinda hard to remember that there were ever other movies at the theaters. Especially recent movies have been eclipsed by that juggernaut, a film the success of which is so massive that it borders on the absurd. Over a billion dollars in a single…Continue readingCompare and Contrast: The Wendigo
Let’s face it, the new HELLBOY was only ever intended for a niche audience. As a part of that niche audience, I really enjoyed it, despite the plot being a kaleidoscope of fragmented threads swimming around each other like little jellyfish with their tentacles never quite touching. If you are a member of that niche…Continue readingWho’s to Blame for the Failure of HELLBOY?
Man, when you’re a part of the “cult” that is attached to a cult TV show, to lose one of the people who made up that show, it feels all too personal. I belong to the TWIN PEAKS cult, and when we lose one of the residents of that strange little town it is like…Continue readingIn Memoriam: Peggy Lipton
Do you know what a “cambion” is? My spellcheck insists it isn’t a word, but it really is. According to Wikipedia, a cambion is “the offspring of an incubus, succubus, or other demon with a human, or of an incubus and succubus.” Now I’ve gotta define what an “incubus” is, and what a “succubus” is.…Continue readingCambionics
As Lucas stepped from the recess of the cave out into the open, the darkness seemed to deepen and thicken. Walking became more difficult, like trying to move through water. The weight of it bore down on his neck and shoulders. Ripples passed through the darkness, unseen but felt, like silky hands caressing his naked…Continue readingTHERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 48
You know how forensic artists, sculptors, can take a human skull, completely denuded of flesh, and can, using clay and other materials, reconstruct the face of the person the skull once belonged to? They do it a lot with murder cases, where a victim is found long after the body has decomposed and the identity…Continue readingForensic Furbaby
The one thing the movie ANNIHILATION really needed was more of the horrific mutant bear creature. For my part I wish the entire movie had been a straight-up Creature Feature devoted solely to the bear. Alternately, I wish they’d do a sequel along those lines. Something like 1976’s GRIZZLY (aka KILLER GRIZZLY), the magnificent and…Continue readingThe ANNIHILATION Bear Monster Really Existed?!
I’ve been digging the new Travel Channel series IN SEARCH OF MONSTERS. The debut episode devoted to Sasquatch left me underwhelmed, but the one about the Loch Ness Monster was sweet, as was the one about Mothman. The latest episode focused on the Jersey Devil, and it maintained the status quo the series has established…Continue readingJersey Devil on TV
Hank Frye had stopped believing in God around the same time he stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Little Hank had embraced atheism before he’d even known the definition of the word or how to spell it, relegating the stories and lessons he’d learned in Church school to the realm of fairy…Continue readingTHERIOPHOBIA: FEAR THE BEAST Part 47