werewolf, werewolves and lycans

Werewolf Fossils

Playing around on the trusty ol’ interwebs this past week got me to thinking. I decided to type in “werewolf fossils” just to see what popped up. There were a couple of fun sites touting, tongues firmly implanted in cheeks, the various discoveries of Lycanthrope fossils from around the world; and some fan site with trolls packed in like sardines in a little tin can and ridiculous arguments ad nauseum over which lies were the most credible. Most of the sites the search engine decided to show me, though, concerned Dire Wolves. Good for you, search engine, for aiming for Science and factuality over make-believe and Internet uselessness.

Thing is, though, if there actually WERE werewolf fossils discovered, how would they be able to identify them as such? Wouldn’t those fossils be attributed to Dire Wolves or to some other large extinct canine? You’d have to find lupine remains displayed in an undisputable bipedal gait to convince the mainstream, and even then you’d have specialists disputing it. Anything anomalous to the fossil record discovered would be rejected as “impossible,” whether it was fake or not. Considering, though, that werewolves always revert to their human forms when they die—they always do in the movies—any werewolf bones dug up by paleontologists would simply be classified as human. There would be a distinct problem with correctly cataloguing anything that didn’t stay in the same shape in which it died, I would think.

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

The Evil Cheezman • March 14, 2017


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