Don’t stop, Rover!

A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect’s cell phone.

I have a theory. Probably isn’t original to me; somebody out there has likely already given it a proper name and written a dissertation on it. But I call it the “Exaggeration Due to Population” theory. In short, it’s this: When you have enough members of a species, in this case human beings, the natural variation in said species increases proportionately. This applies to behavior as to everything else. The world is grossly overpopulated by humans, around 7 billion or so of us—and thus the variation in behavior is extremely wide. When the population is great enough, then you can take ANY behavior, no matter how wacked out it might be, and if you look hard enough you’ll find SOMEbody who believes it or is doing it. No matter how skeevy it is.

Not that bestiality is a new problem. People have probably been doing the deed with members of other species since we branched off from ye olde animal family tree. You’ll find hints to it in numerous early myths. If you erase the line between where an animal stops and a human being begins, it becomes easier to view members of alternate species as potential amorous interests. Not that this makes it any less, well, gross.

By The Evil Cheezman

WAYNE MILLER is the owner and creative director of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS (www.evilcheezproductions.blogspot.com, www.facebook.com/evilcheezproductions), specializing in theatrical performances and haunted attractions. He has written, produced and directed (and occasionally acted in) over a dozen plays, most of them in the Horror and Crime genres. His first novel, THE CONFESSIONS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER: WEREWOLF, is available for purchase at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/734763 MORTUI VELOCES SUNT!

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